Act 4 (end)

 

The night had already fallen when Faith awoke to an empty room. She felt better, her mind was clearer and she knew, somehow, that her nightmares were over. She looked around to see if there was any sign of Tara. Finding none, she got up and went to take a look in the bathroom: it was deserted as well. The Slayer slipped her shoes and her sweater on and she left the room. She went down the stairs and after a quick glance in the common room, she went out. Tara was there, sitting on the highest of the three steps in front of the hostel. The blonde had wrapped herself tightly in her coat and appeared to be lost in thoughts despite her blue eyes staring at the starry sky.
“Don't ask me how, but I knew I would find you there” Faith said softly as she came to stand by her side. “Whatever was going on, it's over. I'm fine now.”

“I'm glad” replied Tara absent-mindedly with a slight nod of her head.

For some time, neither of them found what to say or felt the need to say anything. They just stayed there, looking at the stars still appearing in the darkening sky. Finally, Faith was the one to break the silence with unexpected comments.

“My watcher's name was Sara Marple. She found me when I was living on the streets after I ran from the foster care in Boston. At first, I wasn't really thrilled about her or the whole Slayer thing. I thought she was making fun of me or that there must be something going on there she wasn't telling me. That she was trying to play me. But she wasn't. I think she actually liked me very much. For the first time in my life, I had someone who actually cared about me. When Kakistos killed her right in front of my  eyes, I promised myself I'd never let anyone get so deep into my heart again. When this bastard ripped her guts, - her voice slightly trembled with both grief and rage- I felt like he ripped my heart of my chest as well. That woman had been my only family for my entire life and it had just lasted a few months. I... - she wavered, searched for her words – I've never really felt like talking about her.”

She fell silent and glanced at Tara, whom she had not looked at all for her entire speech. The blonde was looking at her with an unreadable expression on her face. She did not ask why Faith was telling her all this: the Slayer could tell she knew. Tara looked silently at Faith for a moment, but before it became uncomfortable, she simply said:

“I'm glad you told me”

Faith felt stupid then, not knowing what to do next. She was torn between the usual urge to be alone and run away, and the uncommon need to stay. Finally, not really knowing what she was doing, she sat on the steps beside Tara. She took her cigarettes from her pocket and lit one. She dragged several long puffs before asking in the most casual tone she could:

“So, being gay has been that hard in high school?”

If Tara was surprised, she did not show it and replied in the most natural way:

“Being gay has never been hard. Being gay is not the problem. It's the way people feel about it that is one.”

“Well, if you want” commented Faith. “It doesn't make a difference in the end.”

“Of course it makes a difference.” Tara protested. “It makes a huge difference. Gays are the not the problem. I'm not the problem. People who don't like me because I'm gay are the problem.”

“Yeah,” Faith admitted with a smile, quite surprised at Tara's passionate reaction. “That's for sure”

She kept quiet for a second, time for her to drag another puff and then asked:

“So, you never got to kiss that Hope chick again? Hot by the way” the Slayer added in a casual tone.

Tara looked at her, slightly surprised, then answered with a half-smile:

“I did actually.”

“Really? She looked pretty freaked if you ask me”

“She came to see me at home the next summer, while Donnie was away, traveling the country before he graduates. She came to apologize and to tell me she was actually really interested in me. We spent the next three weeks literally always together before she left for college. She’s been my first”

Faith smiled lightly too at the peaceful expression this memory had plastered on Tara’s face. She kept silent, allowing Tara to retreat to this so rare and precious time. She finished off her cigarette and lit another one while Tara returned to her looking at the sky.

“I'm sorry”

Faith again was the one to disrupt the silence. Saying this, she did not turn to Tara, but instead looked right in front of her. Her tone was brisk but sincere.

“I mean,” Faith went on. “I've been an ass since the whole crap thing with Kira. And well, I...”

She failed to find something accurate to say, but Tara did not mind and even came to her rescue.

“I understand, Faith. Really. I exactly know how you've felt. You've felt like I violated your mind and you perfectly had a right to think that way.”

“I know you probably had to do what you did, but still, it's so weird y'know, you seeing all those things...” Faith resumed, relieved by Tara's intervention.

“I know,” the blonde answered sincerely. “I really do. I mean, I think we're kind of even now, aren't we?”

“I guess so,” Faith hesitantly said. “I know it shouldn't make me feel better about what happened, but somehow it does. Maybe it's just a plainly stupid reaction.”

“It's not” Tara replied. “I get it. Really.”

Faith did not answer but dragged another puff instead. Neither talked for a moment, but the silence was a comfortable one. But again, Faith was the one to speak up:

“You should have told me when we met Leo.”

“What?” Tara asked, surprised.

“Why you knew he wasn't a demon.”

They gazed at each other for a few seconds, then Tara shrugged and looked away.

“I'm not sure it would have changed anything at the time.”

Faith did not answer and Tara did not elaborate on that matter. For a moment, the Slayer searched for her words, wavered about what she was about to say before finally breathing:

“May I ask you something?”

“Sure”

Faith wavered; the question was burning her lips, but she feared the answer Tara could give.

“What is it Faith?” the blonde encouraged in a sweet voice.

The witch’s expression gave Faith the courage she needed:

“That place… That very dark place with insects…The screaming… You see?”

Tara’s face crumpled a little at the evocation but she nodded slightly.

“Was it… was it where you went after you… after you…”

The words were failing her, but after a quick moment of confusion, Tara understood where the Slayer was getting.

“No,” the blonde interrupted. “No, it wasn’t. It was Glo-glory who did that to me.”

“Oh,” was the only answer Faith came up with. “Okay”

They stared at each other for a second, and finally Faith asked:

“How long did it last?”

“I don’t know” replied Tara and she looked away at the painful memory. “It felt like forever to me”

Again the silence. Faith waited for Tara to regain her composure to ask the next question on her lips.

“Do you remember how it was after you…”

Then again, Tara understood the question before it was asked and interrupted Faith to answer:

“No, I don’t” she said.

Seeing Faith’s disappointed expression, she went on:

“It’s fuzzy. I think I remembered quite well just after I came back… But it’s disappearing… Like a dream you remember when you awake and that vanishes as the day goes off”

The Slayer nodded and she returned to her silent smoking. After another set of minutes spent in silence, Faith, who apparently had trouble to keep her thoughts to herself, interrupted Tara’s reverie once more.

“There's something I have to tell you” she breathed without looking at her, so low that the blonde hardly heard her.

Tara turned to her curiously, intrigued by the Slayer's solemnity.

“What is it?”

Faith glanced at her and their eyes met briefly before the brunette looked away again.

“I'm making you a promise I can keep now: if I ever cross the path of any member of your family, I swear I'll make them pay for everything they did to you. Oh, I won't kill them, but I swear your father will regret each single time he used his belt to hurt you, each single time he lied to you about this demon-thing”

Tara stared at the Slayer silently, slightly bewildered at first. She tried to suppress the crooked smile appearing on her lips but did not manage completely. She hesitated, not knowing how to react to Faith's unexpected promise. Finally, she could not help herself: she turned to the brunette, grabbed her hand and squeezed it lightly between her own fingers.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

Now, Faith felt uneasy. She tried a slight smile, fidgeted her arm a little but did not quite remove her hand from Tara's. The blonde finally noticed the Slayer's discomfort and released her. Wishing to ease the awkwardness of the situation as soon as possible, the witch was, this time, the one to speak up:

“You know, the beating wasn't that bad,” she said, and as Faith was about to protest, she immediately resumed: “I mean, my father hitting me with his belt or with something else did not happen really often. In fact, it probably did not happen more than three or four times for my entire life. My brother had been way more brutal with me than my father.”

“This bastard…” Faith commented in a dark tone as Tara made a brief pause.

 The blonde stared into space for a second then looked away from the brunette's inquiring gaze as she went on:

“It's not for this that I hate my father” she whispered in a darker tone than Faith had ever known her. “I hate him for making me believe for years that I was something -not even someone - horrible and nasty that could be dangerous for anyone who would be fool enough to care about me. I hate him for locking me down for hours, sometimes for days, and telling me it was for my own good. - Her voice trembled slightly – I hate him for making my mother his unwilling accomplice. I hate him for lying to me on purpose and making me that shy, fearful, awkward, weird girl. I hate him for letting me believe I wasn't worth anyone's love or care.”

She fell silent and Faith saw at the way her chin trembled, that she tried to contain tears of rage.

“I know the feeling,” The Slayer breathed.

“I know you do,” Tara whispered.

They turned to each other and their eyes met frankly. Tara quickly wiped away tears at the corner of her eyes and tried a weak smile as she repeated:

“I know you do,”

Faith failed to find something to add, but the moment probably did not need anything more to be said. The brunette relaxed and both girls enjoyed the silent company for a long moment until Tara started to shiver with cold.

“You should go back inside,” Faith commented. “You’re going to freeze to death.”

“I don’t want to go inside. I like being here.”

Faith did not answer but stood and went inside without a word at Tara’s great surprise. She still had not decided how to react to the Slayer’s departure when she came back with two steaming cups in her hands. Faith sat back beside her and held one of the cups to the blonde.

“You should drink this,” she advised. “’Will warm you up.”

She took a sip in her drink and gestured to Tara to do as well.

“What is it?” the blonde asked while warming up her hands with the hot cup.

“Irish coffee,” the Slayer answered with a knowing smirk. “Sort of.”

“I like it better with way much cream,” Tara commented, considering the lack of said cream in her cup.

She nevertheless took a sip and enjoyed the hot feeling running though her veins as the liquid went down her body.

“Thanks,” she mouthed as she drank some more. “It’s very kind of you”

“I knew you’d like it” Faith commented. “So, where are we heading?” she added after a brief pause. “Back to Portland?”

“If you want to go back there to get a hold on Kira, you can give up on that idea,” Tara answered. “I called the coven,” she explained when Faith frowned. “They have no clue who she might be.”

“Great,” grumbled the brunette.

“She could be anyone, anywhere,” Tara went on carefully.

“Great,” repeated Faith.

“So, what do you think?”

“Well, maybe we could just do as planned and join up with the road on the coast and following it up to San Francisco?”

Tara smiled with relief but could not help asking:

“And what about Kira?”

“I’ll call Giles about her. With all his contacts, he’ll find the girl in no time. Meanwhile, we’ll have some fun.”

“Yeah,” snorted Tara. “Just like we were supposed to when we came here.”

“Don’t be so negative,” Faith protested. “There won’t be Kiras at every corner”

“When have you become the optimistic gal?”

“We’re heading to San Francisco,” resumed the Slayer, completely ignoring Tara’s question. “You really need to get laid, y’know”

Tara almost choked with her Irish coffee at Faith’s unexpected comment, coughed once or twice before spitting her last mouthful of coffee.

“What?” she exclaimed when she was able to speak again.

“What what?” Faith smirked. “Think about it: When was the last time you get laid?”

As Tara opened her mouth to answer something, Faith shook her head and raised her hand to interrupt her:

“Okay, you don’t remember, and that’s perfectly normal. It was way too long ago. It explains all this grumpiness. You’ll feel better later on”

Tara looked bewildered for a moment but it did not last.

“If you have reached that conclusion because you find me grumpy, then you need to get laid way more than me!”

“I knew you’d say something like that,” Faith retorted. “But if you think about it, I’m naturally grumpy, which is not your case if I believe, not what I’ve been seeing for months, but what B told me about you. So, it doesn’t have anything to do with grumpiness for me. Plus, you must be missing sex.”

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Missing sex?”

“Well, it’s not like I’ve been extremely active these days, but I don’t need to go on a crusade to get someone in my bed. I could have anyone if I wanted to.”

“Do you mean that I need to go on a crusade to find someone?” asked Tara in an offended tone.

“I mean that it’s been a long time and you probably forgot what to do to get someone to your bed. Plus, you’re gay, and I’m not sure we’ll find too many lesbians around here. And to add another level of difficulty, I’m sure you’re not easy to please.”

“Isn’t it a good thing?” Tara replied, defensively. “I wouldn’t sleep with anybody. Which is not your case obviously.”

“Hey!” It was Faith’s turn to sound offended this time. “I wouldn’t sleep with anybody! There’re lots of people I wouldn’t bang!”

“Name one”

Faith looked taken aback by Tara’s almost serious tone and she grimaced slightly at the blonde.

“Well,” she hesitated. “This Mrs. Applefresh for example. Looks nice and all but…”

“A man,” interrupted Tara. “You’re straight. Name a guy. Not just any anonymous guy. A guy we know.”

“I’m not sure we know the same guys.” Protested Faith.

“We know some.” Tara cut. “Let’s take an example: Xander. But you can’t say you wouldn’t have sex with him ‘cause I kind of remember you already did.”

“You know about that?” asked Faith, a little bit surprised. “Five minutes of pleasure, years of trouble” she muttered immediately after.

Tara smiled at this but she nevertheless did not drop the matter.

“So?” She insisted.

“Giles!” the Slayer cried out. “I would never bang Giles!”

“Really? I heard you found him sexy when you first met him.”

“You know about that too?”

Tara did not reply and just smiled knowingly at Faith.

“I hate you.” The Slayer grumbled. “I was young and I just wanted to bother B. I would never…”

“Someone else?” Tara went on, trying to remain serious.

“I could tell you the name of Spike,” Faith announced in a defeated tone. “But then, you’ll tell me about that time in the bronze when I told him I could ride him at a gallop and…”

“Never heard about that one…” the witch smirked. “Looks, well… Interesting.”

“So, I still have some secrets for you?”

“Looks like it”

“Good then.”

They fell silent and finished off their cups of Irish coffee nearly at the same time. Then, Faith took back the cups and stood to go back inside.

“You should come inside now. It’s late and cold.”

“Just a few more minutes.” Tara said. “I’ll meet you in the room in five minutes, okay?”

“Okay,” the Slayer replied as she turned on her heels to join the common room of the hostel. “But don’t you think you made me forget about your need to get laid. We’ll take care of that as soon as possible!”

“Yeah, I’m sure you will!’ Tara grumbled and rolled her eyes.

Faith did not see her doing so, but she could picture the mimic as well as she had seen it, and smiled broadly, obviously very happy with herself.


End of 'Welcome to my own personal little hell'

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